You have a future.
It’s may not be easy to feel that way. Your journey ahead of you will not be simple, mine has certainly been the most challenging thing I’ve ever done. Likely, you’re flooded to the point of breaking. There’s so many choices to be made, so many things that you never had to consider, and so many old fallbacks you can no longer use to process them. A single step forward may feel impossibly daunting.
Bring your sight in. Next year doesn’t matter, your situation is far too volatile. Survive today. Next month barely matters. Survive today. Tomorrow can only somewhat matter. Survive today. Finding things to do will help, and small goals can help make progress more tangible, but please don’t forget to take time to process your thoughts and emotions.
This is a map of my journey out of that dark place, and I hope it will help you find direction and hope. I won’t pretend my path out is complete, and there’s no need for you to do as I have. Your pace will be your own, your journey your own, but you do not need to take it alone. Friends and support can come from unexpected places. Others may try to tell you what you need, and how you should feel. What you need they cannot decide, and you are the only one who can know how you feel.
Taking the advice of my friend was what worked best for me: I won’t make decisions regarding my partner I might regret in ten years, I cut out the things in my life that remind me of that pain, I left my old life behind me completely, and I’m remaking myself how I want to be.
You are allowed to take time to process your feelings towards your ex-partner, and an emotional connection likely formed over years will take time to evolve. What that person thinks or wants is of no consequence to you, they have forfeited that privilege. Ignoring how they choose to live their life may be difficult, but they’ve made it clear your concerns have no value to them.
Give them no power over you, and choosing to enjoy what they had enjoyed alongside you is your choice alone. Likewise, you can still treasure the time you had together as you see fit. How you feel about the experiences you shared with them is solely for you to decide.
Ignoring your feelings about them gives them power to control you. Try to face your pain when you can, and know that others can help when you can’t. Build, grow, and embrace who you are. How much you let what has happened to you be a part of your identity is solely up to you. What happens from here forward is entirely for you to decide.
You have a future.
Life After Divorce 